Ravi's solicitor had been brilliant, right up until the money ran out. Three hearings in, the last invoice paid, he sat at his dining table with a carrier bag of court papers and an email from his ex's solicitor asking him to "agree the bundle index by Thursday". He did not know what a bundle was. He did not know what Thursday meant for him. He read the email six times and then closed the laptop.

Ravi is a composite, built from many parents I have sat beside, with every detail changed. But I meet him every single week. A capable person, good at his job, a loving dad to his daughter, suddenly expected to run a court case alone. If that is you, listen, listen. You are not stuck. Representing yourself in family court is hard, but it is not a mystery. It is a set of habits, and you can learn every one of them.

So let me give you the checklist I wish every parent had on day one, and show you how Ravi used it.

Representing yourself in family court: what it means

If you do not have a solicitor or barrister acting for you, the court calls you a litigant in person. GOV.UK puts it simply: you have the right to speak for yourself in court without a solicitor or other legal professional.

You are very far from alone. The latest Family Court Statistics Quarterly, published on 24 September 2026, shows that in April to June 2026 neither the applicant nor the respondent had a lawyer in 51% of private law children cases that ended. Both had one in only 13%. Judges, legal advisers and court staff deal with parents in your position all day long.

Being a litigant in person does not mean you can never get legal advice. You can pay a solicitor for one piece of advice or one document and do the rest yourself. Before you decide, it is worth two quick checks:

• Legal aid. GOV.UK advises checking whether you can get legal aid before you represent yourself. Use the legal aid checker. In family cases it is mostly limited, but there are routes, for example where there is evidence of domestic abuse.
• Court fees. If you have a low income or receive certain benefits, you may be able to get Help with Fees, online or on form EX160. Check the current fee on GOV.UK when you apply.

Checklist part 1: get organised this week

1. Build one case folderPaper, digital, or both. Sections for: applications and orders, statements, reports (Cafcass or local authority), letters and emails with the court and the other side, and your own notes. Oldest at the back, newest at the front, or the other way round. Just be consistent.
2. Make a deadlines pageRead every order you have, line by line. Each time it says someone must do something by a date, write it down: who, what, by when. Put every date in your phone too, with a reminder a week before.
3. Write a one page chronologyDates and facts only. When you separated, when arrangements changed, when the application was made, each hearing and what was ordered. Ten to fifteen lines is plenty. It will save you every time someone asks "and when was that?"
4. Tell the court how to reach youMake sure the court and the other side have your current address, email and phone number, and check your emails, including spam, every day.
5. Decide where you will work and who you will talk toChildren cases are private. Keep your papers somewhere your child will not see them, and do not post about your case online. Court papers are not for social media or group chats.
6. Line up your supportDecide whether you want someone beside you at hearings. Read what a McKenzie Friend can and can't do and, if you are looking, how to choose one carefully.

Checklist part 2: paperwork, deadlines and bundles

Most of the stress in a family case comes from paper: what to write, when it is due, and what to do with the other side's documents. Three things matter more than anything else.

Statements

If the court directs you to file a statement, it will say what it should cover, how long it can be and the deadline. Follow those directions exactly. Write in the first person, in plain English, about your child: their routine, their needs, what you are asking for and why. Each statement must include a statement of truth.

Position statements

A position statement is a short document for a particular hearing: where things stand, what you are asking the court to decide that day, and why. The judiciary's guide to preparing court bundles for litigants in person, published with Practice Direction 27A when it came into force on 2 March 2026, says position statements should be short and factual, should not repeat the evidence, and do not have to be agreed with the other side. Check your order for any page limit.

The bundle

A bundle is the indexed set of documents the judge will read for a hearing. The guide explains who prepares it and when:

• The court order comes first. If it names who prepares the bundle, that is the answer.
• Otherwise, usually the applicant, the person who made the application at the start.
• If you are the applicant but the other side has a lawyer, their side is normally responsible.
• If nobody has a lawyer, the judge may direct one of you, or HMCTS, to prepare it.

The guide also says bundles are electronic by default, as a single PDF, in sections: A preliminary documents, B applications and orders, C statements, D reports, and E other documents the court has directed. The usual limit is 350 pages. Letters, emails, messages, bank statements and photographs generally stay out unless the court has ordered them in. Your order can change any of this, so always read it first.

Checklist part 3: the week before a hearing

1. Read the notice of hearing againDate, time, court, and whether it is in person, by video or by phone. If it is remote, test the link and your device, and find a quiet, private room.
2. Check every direction has been doneGo through your deadlines page. If something of yours is late, file it now and say so briefly. If something from the other side has not arrived, write it down to mention.
3. Read the bundle when it arrivesNote the page numbers of anything you might need to point the judge to, such as "C14, paragraph 6".
4. Write your position statementShort, factual, child focused. Send it to the court and the other side by 11am on the working day before, unless your order says otherwise.
5. Write your three pointsOn one card: the three things you most need the judge to understand, and what you are asking for. If you remember nothing else on the day, you will remember the card.
6. Ask for what you needAn interpreter, disability access, a separate waiting area or an intermediary to help you follow the hearing. GOV.UK explains that you can ask for an intermediary if you need help understanding or taking part. Ask early, not on the morning.
7. If you are bringing a McKenzie Friend, tell the courtThe McKenzie Friends practice guidance says you should tell the judge as soon as possible who it will be, and that your McKenzie Friend should give a short CV and confirm they understand the duty of confidentiality.

Checklist part 4: on the day

What to bring:

• Your folder and the bundle, with your page notes
• Your position statement and your three point card, with spare copies
• Your diary, so you can agree dates on the spot
• A notepad, two pens, water and something to eat

How to carry yourself:

Your McKenzie Friend can sit beside you, take notes, help with your papers and quietly advise you. The guidance is clear that they cannot speak for you, make submissions or question witnesses unless the court gives permission, and that permission for a lay person to speak is granted only rarely. You are still the one who talks to the judge. That is far less frightening when someone is writing everything down for you.

Checklist part 5: after every hearing

• Write up your notes the same day: what was decided, every direction, and the next date.
• Check the draft order. If the other side has a solicitor, they are often asked to draft the order and send it to you. Read it against your notes before you agree it. If something is wrong, say so politely and specifically.
• Read the sealed order when it arrives and update your deadlines page straight away.
• Do exactly what was agreed or ordered, on time, every time. Courts notice reliability.
• Keep a simple contact log: dates, times, anything important about your child. Facts only.

If the other side has a solicitor

This is one of the most common worries I hear, and it is understandable. Their emails are formal, their deadlines arrive fast, and it can feel as if they hold all the cards. A few things to remember:

• Their solicitor acts for your ex, not for you. They must be professional and courteous, but they cannot advise you. Read every letter carefully and never sign or agree something you do not understand.
• You are allowed time to think. "Thank you, I will reply by Friday" is a complete answer. Then reply by Friday.
• Keep your replies short and in writing. Answer the question asked. Keep the history and the feelings for your notes, not their inbox.
• They will often prepare the bundle and draft orders. That is a help, not a threat. Your job is to check them.
• Every hearing is an opportunity to agree things. A proposal from their side is worth reading properly, even if you end up saying no.

If there has been domestic abuse

If you are representing yourself and there has been domestic abuse, there are protections. Tell the court early, and make sure your concerns are in form C1A if one is needed. You can ask for a separate waiting room, separate arrival times, a screen or to attend by video. In certain circumstances, including where there is a conviction, caution, charge, protective injunction or other specified evidence of abuse, a party cannot cross examine the other in person. As the government's factsheet explains, the court then looks at alternatives, and may appoint a qualified legal representative to ask the questions instead.

If you are frightened for your safety or your child's safety right now, call 999. For helplines and safety planning, read our Keeping You Safe page.

Who can help you, and how

If you are at the very start of a children case, read our guides to filling in a C100 form, preparing for the Cafcass safeguarding call and what happens at a FHDRA.

Common litigant in person mistakes

1. Not reading the order properly, and missing a deadline buried in paragraph nine.
2. Sending the court long emails instead of filing what was directed.
3. Putting every text message and screenshot into a statement or bundle.
4. Leaving the position statement until the night before, or not writing one at all.
5. Replying to the other side's solicitor angrily, or not at all.
6. Agreeing a draft order without checking it against your notes.
7. Posting about the case on social media.
8. Trying to do it all alone when calm help is available.

Like 1% of the problem is law. The rest is organisation, deadlines and staying steady. You can do all three.